Me: play video (Face Fill)
SD: Did you do this the night of the senior opening, when you showed up with your face covered in red?
Me: No, I did this 4 times. This is footage of the first attempt--the night of the opening was the 4th
SD: It's interesting, because this really makes you think of getting ready to go out, and you actually did.
JG: Like a teaser--switching around the chain of events; implying there's more information to be revealed/ building interest
JW: Was each recording different?
Me: The color and light and path of the movement changed each time, because it was spontaneous, and I wanted to try it with different shades. This one worked the best
TF: Are we seeing what you see? How did you set this up/
Me: Using the camera as a mirror
CA: You filmed this on your own?
SD: Compared to the other videos--simple and basic. Action appeals to painting--space to fill. Sensory thing not in the other work
CA: Simplicity of action. More echos and meanings than prior video--more provocative in simplicity. Why stop at face?
Me: I didn't actually, but the face part worked best. Filming my body was difficult and choppy and I didn't get what I wanted
MS: Places in video where you could stop--image of eye, nose--think of reversing it
SW: conceptual idea with face? Seems more deliberate
Me: Thinking about contour drawing directly on face
SD: Like deliberateness of how you're filling in--precision around eyes and nose is very satisfying. When I saw you at the opening, I compared it to Wild At Heart, thinking of a more manic action, but this is really purposeful and paced instead
TF: Like the idea of exploring--sense of joy when you go outside the lines of your lips. Ending dilemma. Mistrel shows, baggage of painting face. Compelling energy. Conveying sense of 'what if I did this?'
CF: Love the travel of it--going from mouth to cheek to nose, etc. Trying to figure out what's going on/ what comes next. Associations fluctuate from clown to war paint--think I have a sense of what it is, but then it isn't--keeps changing
SD: You've been dealing with these cultural norms of beauty (50s icon). This video is far more interesting than that imagery because it speaks more abstractly about decorating the body--goes beyond social norms
SL: See it as a mask? Was it like wearing a mask at the opening
Me: That was more of a spontaneous decision as a result of poor time management...But yes, the mask aspect of it is important
TF: Going to the opening, it's like you wanted to continue to contextualize the experience
Me: I was thinking about it as applying to get ready and go out, and thought to try recording the removal as though I'd actually gone somewhere, in later attempts. Thought it would be more authentic if I actually wore it out somewhere--opportunity to test it. Also wanted to play with the ending/ prolong the looking at the end
CA: Address that next time. Ritual paint--there is a point where we wait for gaps to fill in (forehead)--you could edit more; add other sequences in (like Matthew Barney), push more absurd. Get someone to shoot for you. Edit to underscore important moves--what would happen if you continue onto body--foot, floor, whole room, whole building?
SD: Can be a trap to push singular action. This could be the beginning of something else entirely--this video doesn't have to be the main focus. The next thing might look nothing like this.
TF: Kusama--polka dot environments--how she generates. Your process is a part of that flow
CA: Keep thinking of that sequence in Cremaster 4 with the tap dancing---absurdity is reinforced with other activity--on screen for less time/ folding in other things actually ends up extending/ prolonging duration. Take advantage of medium of video. Love it.
GC: Rooted in high degree of realism--beauty of seeing eye, spots on tongue. Covering with color makes realist manifest, more powerful--closeness to camera very blunt, where the power is. Distance from the camera is powerful.
JW: Seems really important for camera to follow where your eyes see, for the narrative. Elements where the color (flesh/red) or something doesn't work--formal elements? Narrative is resolved, so crisp. I feel like we shouldn't be waiting for the resolution we're expecting--we know how it's going to end. Would like to see a resolution that isn't just the completion of the narrative.
MS: Finding where to suspend what we are waiting for--increase that tension
JG: Messing with chronology (by going to the opening) is really interesting--another level to realism. Traveling through immediate narrative, but also larger narrative--social cues, class (choosing Revlon versus Chanel; your nose ring--signs that this is a certain person using a certain brand. How would you apply Chanel? More precious because of price? Different narrative)
SW: Another moment could be capitalized on--concentrate on the gesture. Moment where time is suspended/ where narrative is frustrated--ending should be longer, slower, elongating time with action
RR: Really rich setup. Site specific drawing. So many things--too complex, but you need to figure out. Sense of descent, abstraction, self-loathing, desire not to be--the color could go to the edges more--when face is not in space but is space--poetic: pace, timing. Notion of makeup being employed in a way that makeup is not supposed to be employed--should be explored. Essay on makeup--one on men and one on women. Masking, purpose of masking seems important. Eye, mouth as oracle--present, but not given a voice.
GC: Very poetic--very tender in gesture; sensual--strikes me differently than clown or morbid overtones. Can see you admire yourself; the application is so delicate--caressing, like a lover's finger. Beautiful moments--on eyelid. Narrative of topography/ journey of head/ structure of head dictates movement. Adornment.
SD: Realist--useful way to not just cycle through the literal choices. Next time maybe not lipstick or makeup. Surrealist elements could be pushed (most surrealist artists used hyper-realistic imagery)
GC: good journey--start with drawings--keep going!
DF: From my angle, sometimes half the screen would be obscured. Keep thinking about painting/ covering up part of the screen--become more interesting when things are obscured/ partially revealed
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Open Letter to Every Dude Who Harasses Me on the Street:
Fuck You for compromising my right to walk down the street in public! I do not exist for you! I did not leave my house today so that your sleazy ass would stare at me lasciviously on the street corner and impose some creepy compliment on me, or honk at me from your car, or whistle at me, or call me baby, mami, honey, sweatheart, sweetie, girl, etc. I am not any of those things to you. You don’t know me! What makes you think it’s OK to talk to me at all? What makes you think this is an appropriate way to interact with anyone?
What the fuck is the matter with you?
Have you nothing better to do?
Fuck You for making me afraid to walk home at night! Fuck you for following me down a darker-than-is-comfortable sidewalk and whispering, “hey” in my ear. Do you think that’s sexy? Am I supposed to be enticed? I'm Not. I feel threatened and afraid. Is that your goal, you sick fuck? How dare you make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin! How dare you taint my experience of the world at a time that has otherwise been peaceful, quiet, beautiful for me to experience? How dare you infuse that peace and solitude with fear!
Fuck You for phrasing your harassment as a compliment! How is it that I’m a “bitch” if I don’t smile and thank you for your creepy invasion of my personal space?
FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKER, I HATE YOU!
DON’T FUCKING TALK TO ME!!
I am wearing headphones on the bus! Does it look like I’m in the mood to engage your creepy ass??
NO, IT DOES NOT!
YOU ARE JUST A FUCKING IDIOT/ SUBHUMAN WHO DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT SOCIAL CUES OR DECENCY OR ME OR ANY WOMAN BECAUSE YOU ARE A SAD, LONELY, PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING!
You happen to have noticed my tits or my ass or how my skirt swishes, or how helpless I look in the rain, or how good a dancer I am, and, because you are an imbecile who lacks a filter or decorum, you just can't help but announce it to the world. You know why I look good dancing/ walking/ riding the bus/ doing whatever the fuck it is you’ve caught me doing that you saw fit to interrupt? It’s because I’m not thinking about you! I’m enjoying myself. I’m content in my purposeful mission of obtaining milk, or strolling to the studio, or visiting a friend, or going out to eat. I like the colors I chose to wear today, and I’m enjoying the feeling of the sun on my shoulder. Your expression of “approval”, because it’s not rooted in any real desire to make me feel good about myself, is not something I wanted or needed to hear. I want NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!
But that's just it--this isn't really about me, is it? It’s about You. You, deflecting your own insecurity in the presence of a strong, confident woman whom you know would never look at/ speak to/ touch you. You, trying to make yourself feel powerful by making me uncomfortable. You, trying to get a thrill out of frightening me. You, being so arrogant and misguided as to actually think I must want your attention. Because all women must want your attention. It's what we're here for: to be looked at and approved by the likes of you. Well, I hate to burst that delusional bubble of yours, but
I Don't Want Your Attention.
It Is Not Flattering.
Which is why you have to force it on me.
I don't need your opinion, which is why I didn't ask for it.
Nothing about you or your unwelcome attention makes me feel good.
I feel good about myself because I don't care about people like you. You're looking in at me, making your sorry effort at getting my attention because we both know you are not worthy of it. Because you are a coward, you resort to intimidation, thinking it will force me to acquiesce. And I do acknowledge you in that moment--I quicken my pace and ignore you, or I muster up the courage to shout at you, or I roll my eyes and seethe with rage. But I will never want to interact with someone like you--I will never actively seek you out; I will never choose to spend time with you. If this is what you wanted, you wouldn’t shout at me from your car or make animal sounds at me from your stoop. You would use other, more appealing, respectful methods of approaching me—you’d give me the courtesy of allowing me to make your acquaintance, rather than forcing me into an objectified, subjugated role right off the bat. I doubt you have any interest whatsoever in being a decent human being though, which is really unfortunate for you.
I'm angry because you affect me, even though you are a pitiful, repulsive, cowardly nothing. I want to ignore you, but you’re everywhere! You’re on my walk to the grocery store; you’re behind the register at the grocery store; you’re on my walk home, in cars, on the sidewalk; you’re at the bus stop; you’re driving the bus; you’re on the bus; you’re lurking in an alley on my walk home, terrifying me into changing my route so as to avoid this situation in the future. I am inundated by you and your invasive crudity. And I hate you for it. Your insecurities are not my problem, yet you pull me into them every time you open your stupid mouth. It isn't fair. You don't deserve that power.
You affect not only me, but the entire structure of our society when you propagate such an outdated, offensive, warped perspective of what masculinity is onto random strangers, in public. By extension, you further polarize gender performance by enforcing the subjugation of women to your crass posturing. You're a cog in a system you don't even understand. It's infuriating!
I hate you, but more than anything, I pity you. Fuck you, but mostly, fuck the social structures that sanction your behavior and allow it to happen constantly. Fuck this world that moves too slowly and clings to stupid and offensive ways because they're familiar. Fuck those who facilitate the maintenance of such a world.